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Nursing Myself Back Page 8


  He finally releases my foot and squeezes my leg. I slowly open my eyes, and he’s looking at me, smiling so serenely. I gaze at him with that dreamy-eyed look.

  “Okay sweetness, I’m prepared now to be dazzled by the amazing cinematography that is Motel Hell,” he declares.

  I want to groan because now I’m rethinking the movie choice and wondering if it’s too late to switch to porn.

  Chapter 9: A Case of Virgo

  Caleb

  We’re about thirty minutes into watching the film. Every now and then I brush up against her legs with my feet or hands. I haven’t massaged her again, but of course I want to. I wanted to keep massaging my way up until I reached the juncture of her thighs where I could really get to know her better.

  So far, I’ve kept the promise I made to myself to be as patient as I can be. I have no doubt now that she wants me as much as I want her. I can easily turn her on, and she does the same to me. I want this friendship to continue to blossom a little more before I go all in—two days of friendship does not equal any type of relationship. Besides, I don’t want her to feel that a romp in the sheets is my version of valuing and respecting her as a woman.

  There’s something between us, though.

  She looks delectable in her outfit. Her long legs have those skin-tight pants hugging every curve. Her ass is something I want to take a bite out of. It’s such a tease—and one I brought on myself—every time she moves, knowing I’m just going to sit here and do nothing about it. When she let me massage her feet, there was such acceptance, trust, and gratefulness on her end. It only strengthened my resolve to want to take my time with her. We’ll have plenty of chances to get to passion and ecstasy. Liz was robbed of such a level of intimacy during her marriage—I will give her all of it and not fail her.

  The movie is an interesting choice and not one I expected her to like. I can see why she finds it appealing. The fact that this psycho farmer in the film is planting people in the ground to harvest them, is an equally intriguing and disturbing plot twist. The noises the captives buried in the ground make, though, will torment me for years to come. It’s almost like that sound the creepy ghost chick makes in The Grudge—another terribly awesome movie.

  I still have to think of how to broach the subject of Brent’s wedding and wanting her as my date. I also think I’m going to talk to Alexi and devise a plan for us all to get together at one of our favorite restaurants called Tai-Phoon. It used to be the place where Alexi, Anthony, Gil, and I would frequent; now it’s a place for our entire family. I definitely consider our group a family, and it’s remarkable how it’s expanded the last couple of years.

  Dare I admit that I have another dorky side to me that not everyone knows? Besides being intelligent, good with computers, and possessing a certain magnetism with clients, I actually check out the daily horoscopes. Dork or not—I’ll let you decide. I never really gave it much thought before today; I’ve read them over the years for shits and giggles. This morning while I was waiting for my coffee to brew—because, believe it or not, I don’t do the one-cup contraption thing—I wandered over to the app on my phone to see what today would bring.

  Liz told me her birthday is April 16th, which will be here in less than two months. So, I know Aries are typically go-getters; she possesses that spirit, and it’s evident in the way she takes care of her family. The element symbol commonly associated with her zodiac sign is fire. I’m not surprised by this considering she’s a burning ball of energy and scorches me with just a look.

  With my birthday falling on September 19th, I happen to be a Virgo. We tend to have a sense of duty and operate under efficiency. My element is earth. I still have a hard time understanding the difference or relationship between zodiac, astrological, and elemental signs and whatnot, but I imagine there’s some truth to it all.

  As I think back to the passage about her sign I perused earlier, her horoscope read as follows:

  Aries

  You’re feeling light today, and surprises will arrive this afternoon. Tonight, you’ll be in a euphoric mood as the moon illuminates a sector of your chart that rules home and family.

  Your lucky number is 10.

  Then, when I looked at mine, it was kismet. It read as such:

  Virgo

  Your focus should be on work most of the day, but as the moon travels, this evening will bring light to the friendship sector. It will also bring exciting plans for the future and cause you to dream up new opportunities.

  Your lucky number is 5.

  This morning these passages didn’t really align and make sense, but now, thinking back, there has to be a shift going on. It’s all pointing to one thing…Liz and I are meant to be, and that I should stay on this path and see where it leads.

  I didn’t realize the movie is over as the credits roll across the screen. I was lost in thought all this time, and seventy minutes flew by in the blink of an eye. I turn my head to look at Liz, and she’s peacefully asleep on my couch as if she’s always been here with me. God, she looks so fucking beautiful, it’s making my chest ache. Her soft snores are adorable.

  Her one arm is propped behind her head, and the other is positioned comfortably across her body. A piece of hair has fallen upon her face, and I’d really have to stretch across her to tuck it back behind her ear. So, I’ll leave that wayward tendril alone—kind of like I’ll leave her alone, but all I want to do is touch. I want to touch so badly that I may go insane.

  Her hair is alluring since she left it down today. I flex my fingers, which are tingling to reach out and take what’s mine. There are no two ways about it—she is mine in every way possible, and there’s no convincing me otherwise by anyone or anything. I’m going to have to jack off for hours in order to alleviate some of this pent-up need and desire.

  I let her sleep for a little bit longer and just watch. She has the most captivating features even in sleep. I imagine she’s exhausted—mentally, emotionally, and physically drained. After all, she’s been through hell and back over the years trying to hold on to her family at all costs.

  After some inner debate, I finally decide it’s time to wake her up. She said the kids are coming back tonight, but I don’t exactly know what time that will be. I gently shake her, and she yawns and stretches out her slim form. Then she suddenly realizes where she is as she’s startled fully awake. She jolts and sits up, and all it does is make her breasts jiggle practically in my face, and I groan to myself.

  I swing my legs over to the floor. I grab her hand in mine, and she looks at me sheepishly and pulls it away. I try not to act hurt, but it stings.

  “Sorry about that. Gosh, I didn’t even realize I was tired,” she confesses and pulls her sleeves down from the spot they were at on her elbow; I guess she’s not hot anymore—damn!

  “Please don’t be sorry. Clearly, you needed it. I didn’t have the heart to wake you sooner, but it’s about four o’clock now. You didn’t say what time the kids are coming home, and I know you’d be mad at yourself if you weren’t there to greet them. Believe me, I’d want nothing more than for you to stay, but your priority is Tyler, Kurt, and Leah,” I convey meaningfully.

  I was so glad I got to watch over her while she slept. I felt like her protector. It seems natural to serve in this capacity for her. Maybe some people aren’t content sitting here with someone watching them sleep, but I am and would do it any day, at any time.

  She does one more stretch, and I watch her beautiful blue eyes search mine as she swings her feet over too and faces me.

  “You’re so thoughtful and sweet. I wish I could stay as well. You’re absolutely right…I want to be home with the kids tonight. They need me. I appreciate your understanding because the truth is, I need them too. It’s always been the four of us. I had fun today, though, thank you. You spoiled me with a delicious meal and an even more delicious foot rub. Is there anything I can do to return the favor?” She asks, all the while beaming with a Cheshire Cat-like look.

  Fu
ck me, she has the most sensual mouth. I think I just creamed my pants. My thoughts are dirty and wicked as I conjure all kinds of things that would surely curl her enticing blonde hair. I long for the day when I’ll have her in my bed—beneath me, above me, in front of me. I want to see her writhing with desire and uninhibited. All in due time, I remind myself.

  I rub at my scruff-lined chin in a mischievous way, letting her know just how dark my thoughts are running. Her pupils dilate. Oh yeah, she’s picking up what I’m putting down. I can’t respond…not yet. I need this time to figure out how I want to proceed because I can’t very well tell her what I yearn for most. I know she’ll probably be a naughty minx between the sheets, but as I’ve said—and will keep repeating to myself so I don’t renege on my word—we’re not going there yet.

  I give her a saucy grin with my favor in mind, “Another date then?”

  “Is that what this was?” She asks in part hope and part disbelief.

  “I’d like to think so,” I offer in affirmation.

  She fidgets slightly and tucks her hair behind her ear, baring that delicate expanse of skin at her neck to me. She has the most slender and glorious throat. The column of her neck even turns me on, making me think devilish and dastardly thoughts.

  Fuck, she’ll look splendid taking my dick deep all the way to the back of her throat. I’ll be holding her hair in place so it doesn’t obstruct my view. After all, I need to watch the show.

  “Okay then. Another date it is. I’ll call you so we can set something up,” she replies.

  It almost feels like a brush-off, but I somewhat expected this. I probably spooked her. At least she said yes to another one and recognized that today was a date; that’s a start. I firmly believe if she didn’t want to see me again in that respect, then she wouldn’t have agreed to another.

  “That sounds great. I look forward to the next time I hear from you. Thanks for coming over, and please know you’re welcome here anytime. It’s been the best day.” I grab her hand and squeeze it.

  She pulls hers out from mine. I think she’s giving me the brush-off again with refusing my hand, but instead grabs mine in return for a reciprocal squeeze. I love that she sometimes surprises me. I don’t mind the hot and cold with her either. I have her burning one moment, and then the next it’s like I dumped a bucket of ice on her. I’ll keep saying it until I’m blue in the face, I get it. This is uncharted territory for her—I lump myself into that category too since I’ve never tried so hard with a woman.

  She stands up to leave and puts her boots back on, her scarf in place, and I retrieve her coat. I help her get into her jacket, then she reaches for her purse and places it on her shoulder. I open the front door for her, and she walks out, but turns back around.

  I’m looming in the doorway propped up against the frame because, as much as I don’t want to see her walk away, I certainly don’t mind watching her fine behind make an exit down the hall.

  She leans into me, and I don’t move for fear of spooking her in some way again. She kisses my cheek and lingers, and as she pulls away I turn my head quickly enough to catch the corner of her lips on mine. Fuck, I want more. Her taste and scent is lethal enough with just that morsel of a peck.

  “Until next time…see you later, alligator,” she says and spins around, leaving me with a hint of her floral scent.

  I see what she did there, though. She opened it up for the perfect reply. She’s a devilishly clever woman.

  “In a while, cocodile,” I remark withholding the “r,” of course.

  I hear her tinkling laughter echo down the hallway, and I wait to shut my door until she disappears from sight. I’ll definitely be texting her later to make sure she got home all right. I’m ever a gentleman. I’ll remind you, I’m the sweet one, but sweet ones can sometimes turn spicy.… Bring on the heat!

  Chapter 10: The Sweetest Torture

  Liezel

  I got home right before the kids arrived. Boy, did I miss them. I know it was only one night they were away, but they’re my life. William’s parents didn’t even come to the door; I shouldn’t have expected anything different. They refused to come back here, even after the funeral. We’ve got years of bad blood. I’m as cordial as I can be—I can’t say the same for them. I’m grateful they love their grandchildren, but they think of me as a demon sent straight from hell.

  I’m in the kitchen getting snacks together for the kids and me. I take the mom thing very seriously no matter how old they get. I don’t spoil them; they pick up after themselves and are respectful in their independence. It’s just, I still like being their caregiver since it always brings me comfort. I, of course, will accept the day when they each spread their wings and go off to college or whatever they want to pursue—for now, I can live in my bubble space of knowing they’re with me.

  I have a feeling Kurt will go into the military after high school. Not sure which branch he’ll choose, though. He has really taken a liking to Brent—he’s a Master Sergeant in the Air Force. That man is a hero in my book, having been deployed numerous times and serving for seventeen years. I know my kids need a man like him in their lives.

  I’m in awe of the fact they have so many positive male figures. Since our circle of friends has grown, my kids have been exposed to the many successful men and women who make up the couples of our group. Before Anthony, Gil, and Alexi found their soul mates, I never hung out with any of them.

  A wave of failure hits me right in the heart as I think of how I—no, how William—let them down in the family department. I typically blame myself only because I’m the one who went and married the damn man! However, I have to always stop and remind myself I wouldn’t have these kids if I didn’t end up with my late husband.

  God, Liz, let go of this crap already! You’re being pathetic, I scream at myself.

  I finish assembling the snacks and start getting together drinks. I can’t wait for better weather so the kids and I can do more outdoorsy stuff. I’m going to have cabin fever if this is a long winter; obviously I’m praying for an early spring. Because of the cold, we’ll have to stay in tonight—even the patio heaters aren’t enough in this weather. It will either have to be board games, or maybe we’ll watch a movie, especially since I missed movie time earlier with Caleb.

  I can’t believe I fell asleep on him. It was my prime chance to talk to him or even sit there and gaze at his figure. I got cold feet—hard to believe with the foot massage—but seriously, the expression applies. I chickened out the few times he made a move. You wouldn’t think I was such a brazen creature this morning in my bedroom given the opposite behavior I displayed this afternoon—my morning was a solo thing, though, so it was easy to get lost in a fantasy.

  Good Lord, did that man’s lips feel good as they quickly slid against mine when I gave him a kiss goodbye on the cheek. I can’t wait to feel the real thing; that was only a little kernel, but I want the whole bowl of popcorn! I know eventually I’ll work my way up to the big moment—I hope he’ll still be around. Life is too short not to go for what you want.

  I know you must think I’m going bonkers for overanalyzing every little detail and being so wishy-washy. If you’ve experienced what I have recently, you’d understand I’m in a fragile state. Hell, being a nurse I can recognize the fragility even in myself.

  That’s the whole thing, though. I know I have to nurse myself back to where I need to be. Sure, it wouldn’t hurt to have Caleb help in the process, but he’s not the end-all solution…I am. I have to do this for myself.

  “Mom! You coming?” Leah calls from the living room.

  “Yeah, sweetheart, I’ll be right there,” I yell back.

  I run the snacks to the kids, then Tyler returns with me to the kitchen to help grab the drinks. He gives me a hug, and in true Tyler form tells me I’m beautiful. I pat his cheek and give him a kiss on the forehead.

  “And you’re my handsome guy. I love you buddy,” I tell him and give him my warmest, most motherly smile—h
e always makes me smile.

  As I head back out to the living room, I realize I forgot something. I tell them to give me another minute because I want to throw a lemon in my water—gotta keep those kidneys in working order. As I enter the kitchen, my phone buzzes in my pants pocket. I pull it out and look at the screen, and I’m elated to see what it says and who it’s from.

  Hey sweetness! I wanted to make sure you got home safely. Thanks again for today. I look forward to the next time. Say hi to the kids for me and have a good night. BTW, you’re an amazing mother.

  I type out a quick reply thanking him and letting him know I’m home safe and sound. I don’t give any hint of getting together soon. So, whether it’s right or wrong, I’m going to let this heat between us simmer for a few days and see if it has any staying power. When I eventually reach out to him again, and if he’s still interested, then maybe I can let my heart unfurl a little more. Otherwise, that bitch is locked up tight until further notice—I have to protect my heart in all this, or I won’t survive.

  I want so badly to trust a man again and let him into my life. I believe Caleb can be that man. I’ve already admitted that I’m practically falling in love with him—as unrealistic as it may seem to outsiders looking in. I have to stop second-guessing myself at every turn and go with my gut. Maybe in a few days my worries will have dissipated.

  I need to put everything in my mind to the side. My focus right now is my kids, and that’s why I also need to tread carefully no matter which path—and no matter with who—that may entail. I walk out to my living room, smiling for my troupers. They’re the best thing that ever happened to me in life!