Nursing Myself Back Page 15

  I move my hand between our bodies and rub at her clit furiously. Then, I give her nub a pinch, and she loses it. She screams. Her cries of pure pleasure cause me to grunt. I shoot my cum with a loud growl and arch my hips up into her one last time.

  I empty into that fucking annoying condom and wish I could feel her without it—hopefully one day soon I’ll get that chance. My dick finally stops twitching and begins to soften. She collapses on top of me, landing on my chest. Her hair falls in my face, which I love. I’m still wedged inside her, and I let her rest for a few minutes. It smells like sweat and sex swirling in the air, and it’s intoxicating—I want to lick the air and catch it on my tongue as if I’m catching snowflakes with my mouth. Is that fucked up or what?

  It’s difficult to extricate myself, but I need to remove the rubber, and I should clean us up. I’m not nearly done with her, but I also don’t want to exhaust her too much since this is her second orgasm of the night. There will be plenty more times in our future to fuck like rabbits.

  I shake her lightly, and she mumbles something, making me chuckle. God, she really is good for my ego like I told her earlier. She makes me feel like the king of the damn jungle. I begin to move, and she grumbles something else about being too tired. I let her settle back down as I get out of the bed. I walk into the bathroom to remove the condom, tie it off, and throw it in the wastebasket.

  Before heading back into the bedroom to collect her, I turn the knob on in the shower stall. I lift her from the bed, and she doesn’t protest as I carry her into the hot spray. After placing her feet to the tiled floor, she slides down my body, making me want to fuck her all over again. Once I’m satisfied that she’ll stand and support her own weight, I let go of her to grab the shampoo. I quickly do my hair and then suds hers up. She moans as I massage her scalp and work my fingers through the strands.

  I switch to lathering our bodies with the perfumed soap, taking great care when I get to her pussy. She winces, and I know she’s sore. I decide right then I’ll let her sleep for a bit after our shower, then take her at least one more time in the early morning before she returns to her room—I know she wants to be in her room in case anyone needs her.

  After we’re as clean as we’re going to get, I turn the water off and towel us dry. I wrap her up then help her step out of the stall. I reach for my toothbrush and can tell it’s still damp, so I realize she used it, which is fine and gives me a thrill—I thought I tasted the mint toothpaste in her kisses. I brush my teeth and guide her out to lie down.

  She faceplants on the bed, and I proceed to cover her. Her wet hair will have to air dry; she’s obviously too tired to care. Within minutes, she’s gently snoozing. I pull her body to mine so she’s positioned with her back to my front, and we’re effectively spooning like the lovers we are.

  I kiss the back of her wet head, letting my lips linger there for a minute while I breathe her in. This is where she belongs, and this is where she’ll always be from now on.

  “Goodnight, sweetness,” I say to the room since she doesn’t appear to be conscious.

  She, of course, doesn’t answer back, and that’s quite all right. I’m too keyed up to sleep; I’ll wake her in a few hours. For right now, I’m content to just lie here and hold her. In my arms is the most important human being nestled against me, and when I was a boy I never dreamed I’d find my unicorn in life…yet here she is!

  Chapter 18: Water You Waiting for?

  Liezel

  I wake and do a little stretch. I feel deliciously exhausted in all the right ways and all the right places. I’m sore, but it’s a welcomed sensation because it’s a reminder of what we did last night. I move my hand to reach for him, and then I remember I’m back in my own room.

  I sit up and glance around, and sure enough, that’s where I am. I look at the clock on the bedside table, and it’s after ten in the morning. I feel awful for missing breakfast with my kids, even though they’re self-sufficient—it’s still no excuse. As much as I need to learn to cut myself a break sometimes, I still don’t ever want my three to feel like I cast them aside.

  I know at some point Caleb brought me back here, yet I’m having a hard time piecing that room-change scenario together. We were both sad to part, but I needed sleep, and it didn’t seem like either of us would get any if we stayed together. I had drifted off after the first time we made love. So, I’m not sure how long he let me doze exactly, but he woke me up by sucking on my nipples and sliding his fingers inside me—that got my attention. I even got to put the condom on his beautiful cock. What a ridiculous fiasco that was. I might as well have been blindfolded—it was like trying to play pin the tail on the donkey. Obviously, I’m not experienced with prophylactics.

  That second time we made love, he took me from behind. William and I never really did a doggy-style position, so it was all new to me. It was so weird being face down on the bed and having my ass in the air exposed to him—once he entered me, well, you didn’t hear any complaints from me and certainly none from my man. He moaned, groaned, grunted and screwed me like it was the end of the world. I’m looking forward to trying many more positions.

  I still haven’t been able to go down on him with my mouth, but that’s coming soon—ha ha, I didn’t even mean to insert the pun, but I nailed it!

  I finally get my lazy bones out of bed and take a long, hot shower to relax my muscles and mitigate some of the sting from the way my body is smarting. After I dress, I pack up my things because check-out is at noon. I knock on the door adjoining my room, and the kids don’t answer. I ring Fred and Milly’s room, and they tell me my kiddos are down at the indoor pool. Alexi and Caylan already left with Em and Granny Lil, and Fred and Milly said they’re now leaving too; I’m officially back on mom duty.

  I glance at my watch, and it’s 11:10 A.M., so my three should be back soon to get ready to leave, I imagine. I decide I’ll go down in search of them, but first I’ll stop at Caleb’s room to see if he wants to join me for a quick bite to eat down in their in-house restaurant. I’m famished from all the sex last night and during the early morning hours. My body needs nourishment.

  I’m surprised I’m handling everything so well. For some reason, I thought I’d somehow fall apart after spending the night with another man. I was being an idiot in this line of thinking, but, truthfully, I didn’t know what to expect. I should’ve realized sooner that with the right man, things would be different.

  I knock on Caleb’s door, and it opens. I suck in my breath at the bright-eyed, bushy-tailed sex god standing before me. He manages to look like a man who can walk the runway and not one who spent a night of unbridled passion. He’s wearing his glasses and I’m swooning.

  He grins at my staring and says, “Good morning, sweetness. Am I still the patient, or do I need to be the one to doctor you up now?”

  He waggles his brows at me, and I swat at his chest playfully. God, he’s such a bad boy, and I damn well love it. The kicker is he damn well knows it!

  “I’m good. I’m starving, but I can’t imagine why that is,” I say sarcastically.

  He rubs at his stubbled chin, pretending to be deep in thought as if he’s really contemplating my words. I swat at him again but he catches my hand mid-air and nips at my fingers lightly as I try to pull it back. Then, he smacks my ass and holds on to my left butt cheek as I yelp in surprise.

  “I missed you. I wanted to wake up next to you this morning and hold you. Now, let’s go eat before I pull you back in this room and fuck you long past the time we’re supposed to check-out,” he threatens, then quickly kisses my lips as he removes his hand from my ass.

  I take a deep breath and steady myself. I was not expecting him to admit all that, but it’s exactly how I felt when I woke up and wasn’t in his bed…in his arms. Thinking about the possibilities has my breasts swelling and my nipples getting all tingly. My pussy clenches, and I’m going to end up walking all wonky down the corridor trying to hide the way I need to rub my legs together. D
amn the man!

  He asks for a minute to switch out of his spectacles into contacts. I wait out in the hallway because I don’t trust myself going into his room. Those glasses are his superpower or something because they sure cripple me.

  We make it down to the restaurant and are immediately seated at a quaint little table in the corner that affords us privacy from prying eyes—not sure who would pry, but I still appreciate the privacy. Besides, I want him all to myself. I’m not ready to share this thing between us with the world—last night on the dance floor was enough of a preview. I feel like once the world is let in, it will take on a life of its own, and it will no longer be our relationship. Relationship…God, aren’t I rushing things here?

  I realize there’s still so much to learn and know about one another. We still have to have the talk about what will happen with us. We never said we’d converse about it, but it’s a necessary means to an end…or hopefully a beginning.

  Am I crazy for wanting this? My husband has been dead for only eight weeks—it’s a sobering thought.

  The waiter comes just then, and we proceed to order our meals. Caleb is being merciful and letting me be lost in my thoughts after we rattle off what we’ll each have to eat. I suspect he knows I’ve got this inner battle going on with myself. Maybe he does know me better than I think he does—but he doesn’t know everything, and I don’t want him to know everything. I’m afraid if he does, then he won’t want me. William knew my past, but look how that turned out!

  I sip at my drink and wonder if he feels a phantom distance growing between us, and that’s not what I want. I’m being paranoid! See, this is what happens. When I’m left to my thoughts, I start thinking these things. After last night, I’m left worried I’m messing this up.

  I feel someone grab my hand, and of course it’s Caleb. I jump at his touch, then look in his eyes.

  “It’s going to be okay, Liz,” he assures me.

  I sigh, realizing I needed to hear it. Is that pathetic? On some level I know I’m being ridiculous. So, I’m going to try to refrain from torturing or criticizing myself further because it’s not healthy. I smile at him as our food arrives. We eat in companionable silence, yet glance at each other over our bites. I don’t even know what I’m eating, but I shovel it in because my body is starved. I can’t even tell you if it tastes good or not.

  After our plates are clean, he settles the bill, and we start to head to the pool area. However, Caleb grabs my hand and steers me to the front desk in the lobby instead. I look at him inquisitively, and he gives me one of his signature winks. He proceeds to explain to the attendant that he wants our rooms to have a late check-out, so the kids can swim longer, and so we don’t have to rush. God, he thinks of everything. My chest constricts as I’m overwhelmed by his caring and nurturing ways.

  After he once again takes care of yet another thing for me, which I’ll have to argue with him later about because he’s being way too over-the-top generous, we walk hand in hand to the pool. We find the kids having a blast. One thing I adore about my boys is that they’re never too cool or too old to hang out with their sister, or to do adolescent things. I’m the luckiest mother, of that I’m certain.

  Leah blows me a kiss, and my boys smile my way. Like the loving, doting mom I am, I wave like a lunatic at them.

  “Hey guys,” I say as we enter the room.

  Wow, it’s like a sauna in here. I grab a poolside chair, as does Caleb, and we hang out near where they’re swimming. There’s only a few other people in the pool, so they practically have the place to themselves.

  “Mom, I promise we’ll be out in a minute. I know it’s late and we have to leave,” Leah says sadly.

  “Well, you’re in luck because this guy right here got us a late check-out, so you have a few more hours,” I say, grinning.

  Leah squeals and goes back to splashing, then she alerts her brothers of the extension they’ve been given. I hear her yell her thanks to Caleb from the deep end. I turn my head, and he’s all lit up, knowing he made my girl smile. This is how I wish it was for the kids with their father, doing dad things and having someone give a shit about them.

  “You want to go in?” I ask Caleb.

  “I thought you’d never ask,” he replies.

  I stand up, about to tell him we should go back to our rooms to change, when he throws me over his shoulder and jumps in the pool at the shallow end. I didn’t even have time to stop him or react. Instead, I find myself soaked. Clothes, shoes, and all! I’m sputtering and coughing from the water attack. Despite my initial shock, I’m laughing at the situation. The kids are hooting and hollering and cracking up.

  I turn to Caleb and dunk him easily; he knew I’d retaliate and is letting me win in doing so. Once he surfaces, he picks me up and throws me in the air, and I hit the water ass first. Oh my God, we’re going to get kicked out because of this horseplay—forget the late check-out, we won’t need it if we get the boot—surely they have cameras somewhere. But I’m having too much fun to stop him.

  He’s so adorable and spontaneous and playful. I deeply love this man. I’m wet, and not in a good way—it’s fun, though. He brings out a side of me I didn’t know I could embrace. Caleb then moves through the water and holds me to him, kissing me thoroughly.

  My reservations about being this affectionate in front of my kids have momentarily gone out the window. Obviously, my kids know something is going on between us because of the time we’ve been spending together—it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to know what we were up to last night. The dancing at the wedding gave it away if nothing else did.

  I think I’m scared to talk to them about what’s going on because I don’t want to hurt them—it makes me feel like a shit mom, though, for not opening that line of communication.

  I want to shelter them from this in the event Caleb and I don’t work out. I don’t want to see them suffer any more unnecessary pain if they get attached—this again is where the denial comes in: if I don’t talk to them about it, then they can’t get hurt.

  I know I can’t hide or shield them from everything, though. My poor babies have the misfortune of knowing what it’s like to lose someone, and it claws at my insides to think about what they’ve endured.

  I’m lost in thought, so I startle when Caleb wraps his arms around me from behind. Leave it to him to pull me back from wherever my mind travels off to.

  Make me forget about my guilt and fears Caleb….

  “You look good wet,” he whispers in my ear, then bites my earlobe sensually. I shiver, but it’s not because I’m cold.

  “Mmm, you do too. I’m ready to get in the shower. So, I guess I’m willing to get wet again, just under different circumstances. Take me back to your room and get me dirty, then clean me up,” I beg as I breathe in his ear and return the favor by nibbling his earlobe.

  He moans as I rub my cheek against his stubble. I can’t wait to have whisker burn on my sensitive flesh when he’s in between my legs again. We’re sure going to make the most of this late check-out.

  We leave the pool area, head back to his room, and do everything I said we’d do when I begged him. Ahh, I never want this feeling to end!

  ***

  Four weeks later I find myself smiling from ear to ear over the way things are in my life. The kids are doing great—still no conversation, though, as I continue to let things progress naturally.

  All of us girls got together for lunch last week to catch up with one another, and I got to hear all about Everly’s honeymoon—even the steamy bits I didn’t ask for. My goodness Brent sounds like a beast in bed, and I love that Ev doesn’t sugarcoat things; it’s refreshing. She’s so different from the other gals in our group. I’m not jealous by any means because Caleb and I are explosive in our own way; not too bad for someone my age.

  We also had a double baby shower in celebration for Shanna and Caylan. It was absolutely adorable. We had it at Everly’s house and played all the fun baby games like guess which candy ba
r is in the diaper and guess which mystery meat baby food you’re eating. What a hoot—see, told you I like owls, ha ha!

  I groan as I think about the fact that I still have William stashed in the closet. His parents recently called and asked what I’m going to do with his ashes because they’d like to have them. I explained that it’s best they remain here at my home until I figure out what to do with them and that I didn’t want to upset the kids or make any rash decisions. Of course, they hung up on me. I wouldn’t be surprised if they file a court order to get possession, but I’ll cross that bridge if it ever comes to it. Thankfully, I have the best attorney in my corner.

  Now, you may wonder why I’m still holding on to the ashes, and I promise it’s not a morbid thing. I’m learning to let go of the need to remind myself of my failures; eventually I’ll let my late husband go completely. I’m holding them because it will be therapeutic for me and help us all heal if I find a way to honor his memory somehow, a way for us to remember him in a positive light. It will be difficult, but not impossible. I won’t be doing it for William; I’ll be doing it for his children.

  My birthday is in two days, but Caleb insists we all go out tonight to dinner as a big group to Tai-Phoon. Then, tomorrow, he’s taking me out with just the kids to celebrate. The man is spoiling me rotten, and I’m trying to let him do it. After taking care of myself and everyone else for so long, this is such a foreign concept.

  I don’t feel like I’m about to turn forty-five, but it’s coming whether I like it or not. I feel younger than I am in some ways, and in other ways much older. I know my mind and body are not that of my true age, but sometimes my heart and spirit feel like I’ve lived a lifetime already. Caleb has done his best to chip away at those thoughts, though. The more time we spend together, the closer we get to professing our love, it seems.

  I haven’t let him stay overnight at the house yet, but I can tell he’s itching for an invitation. I don’t think it’s appropriate at this juncture. I hope tomorrow at my birthday dinner with the kids, we can sit down and finally talk to them about our potential relationship. I don’t want things moving too fast for them.